Many sociologists believe the disintegration of the family as we recognized it only a generation ago is inevitable as we shift towards a capitalist culture."Parenting has never been more demanding than now when technology has invaded our homes to an unprecedented level. This new technology, whether it is the computer or internet or mobile phones, requires more parental supervision, not less."
Here are 10 golden parenting rules that counsellors/therapists came up with that can help bring the glow back into your home.
- Allow time and room for communication. Quality time does not mean blowing up money on a weekend trip out of town, and then shutting yourself up before the computer or in front of the TV. In fact, watching TV together is valuable family time. So is playing a game or going for a walk with your child. And sitting down to at least one meal together as a family. A family that eats together usually stays together, say experts.
- Listen to the child with an open mind. Don't be overcritical and judgemental. All children make mistakes so don't dismiss your child's initial efforts. Boost his confidence and allow him to keep trying. Don't use labels like 'idiot', 'good for nothing', 'irresponsible'.
- Praise instead of punish. Don't use the rod, corporal punishment doesn't help, never mind the old adage. Encourage desirable behaviour by praising, hugging, reinforcing with a reward. Recognise and praise when he sticks to your rules. Don't ignore good behaviour and notice and highlight only bad behaviour.
- Set clear rules of conduct. Don't give confusing and contradictory messages. Don't keep changing the rules: some things like what is right and wrong are not negotiable. Don't contradict each other in front of your children or fight before them. Sit down and agree on what constitutes desirable behaviour before you set the rules. And above all, don't undercut each other and use your child as a pawn in your power struggles.
- Don't overprotect your child. Encourage independent behaviour when there is no danger involved. Don't end up doing things for him/her always. Instil confidence in your child to try out and venture out on his/her own, of course with your guidance and support.
- Don't overindulge your child. Expensive gifts will not make up for not spending time with him/her. Teach them the value of money and living within your means. And make sure that dangerous behaviour is a no-no, and not negotiable. You are a better judge of what can harm your children than they are. Encourage him to socialise, to meet and bring his friends home.
- Make time to deal with unpleasantness. It's easy to sweep unpleasant subjects under the carpet, but buying peace will prove costly in the long run.
- Learn to communicate. Allow your child to express emotions freely. Listen to his problems objectively and unemotionally. Try to give rational explanations whenever necessary to correct behaviour. Give examples from your own life and past experiences. Use stories to illustrate and teach. Role-play comes in handy to solve problems.
- Don't preach, be a role model. Instil good values like honesty, integrity, tolerance, optimism, cooperation etc by personal example. Remember your child is a true mirror of your own behaviour. Make sure your behaviour is not the opposite of how you want your child to behave.
- Make time for yourself. Get a life for yourself outside the family. Make time also for playing a game or exchanging impersonal information with your spouse. Hobbies and pastimes are useful for creating bonds within a family. Teach your child by example that the family is not a dumping ground for his bad moods.
